Drunk Blogger Checks Into Rehab, Apparent Airborne Addiction

In a development that rocked Tinsel Town (and that I am making up as we speak...or...uhh...as you read and I write?), The Drunk Blogger In Hollywood checked himself into rehab (the pharmacy section at Rite Aid on Fairfax & Sunset Blvd.) at approximately 9:09 AM PST this morning, due to an apparent addiction to the "Effervescent Health Formula," Airborne®. Airborne Formula®, which contains 17 herbs and nutrients, was created by a Second Grade School Teacher and has 100% Satisfaction guaranteed for use in airplanes, restaurants, offices, hospitals, school, health clubs, carpools, theaters and sports arenas. Pretty much anywhere with people. Apparently, this guarantee was all too 100% for The Drunk Blogger, who, according to reports, began using the "dietary supplement," at the first sign of a sore throat, the faintest cough or when he wanted to be reminded of what Gatorade used to taste like. When we reached The Drunk Blogger for comment, I had this to say, "I really just got in over my head. That ZESTY Orange Flavor! just became too much for me to resist. I found myself craving it. Sometimes I would skip 1 or 2 meals a week. I really lost it. I kept remembering the episode of Saved By The Bell where Jessie got hooked on caffeine pills and started to act like Courtney Love. I knew dietary supplements could have these effects of heroine mixed with LSD from that episode but I just didn't care. There was no talking sense into me. I just lost it." The Drunk Blogger has no timetable (20 minutes) for his stay in rehab (pharmacy section at Rite Aid on Fairfax and Sunset Blvd.) but his publicist (who doesn't exist) says he is "doing just fine" and should be released in a few days, simultaneous with his sex tape being leaked to the press. In related news: The Truth foundation and the newly formed CW Network, are teaming up to produce a series of Truth commercials in which they will camp outside Airborne® corporate headquarters with a megaphone and do stunts to prove that Airborne® is bad for you. Word has it, they will fill up a bunch of baby swimming pools with Airborne and water and place them outside of the office building. Also, they will set up a mock second grade classroom on the sidewalk in which they show 2nd Graders and their teacher taking Airborne®, and still being sick. The Drunk Blogger can be reached.