Victoria Drunkham (clever title)

Most of the time when we see Victoria Beckham, she’s all business, sporting a chiseled model’s façade. But in reality, it seems she loves to cut loose and have a good time. She parties, just like us! In a recent interview, the former Spice Girl confessed that she gets drunk, “all the time. We went to Napa for my birthday. David organized a surprise and we all got drunk and had a laugh.” She also revealed that beneath her sharp exterior lies a party-girl-at-heart. “You know I might look like a stony-faced pain-in-the-a** cow but in actual fact I like to have a laugh. I do like to have a drink and have a laugh, that kind of thing. I really don’t take myself too seriously, contrary to what people think. I think it’s important.” As for her dVb jeans brand, Posh says that she is all about being hands-on. She told press, “I do all the designing. I go to the factories. I work on the stuff. I think there are lots of celebrities, for want of a better word, I do hate celebrity because it does mean that you’re famous for absolutely doing nothing, a lot of them have licensing deals all over the place, and I actually am creative director of the dVb brand.” I can't wait until I meet her out sometime and can make out with her because she's drunk and I am too.

Drunk Fergie

Fergie was so drunk the other night. Seriously, did you hear about this? With all the crazy high-heeled shoes she seems to love wearing, it’s no wonder Fergie had a misstepping mishap last night. The “Big Girls Don’t Cry” singer was making her way from the Waverly Inn to her car when her 5-inch peep-toe platform heels caused her to almost hit the deck. Luckily, her bodyguard was holding her arm as she rolled her ankle, but the “My Humps” hottie still managed to scrape up her foot pretty badly. Clearly embarrassed, Fergie tried to play it off by smiling for the throng of paparazzi surrounding her, and managed to salvage some dignity. And for all of you Sex and the City: The Movie fans, you’ll be hearing plenty of Fergalicious singing come May 30th… Fergie sang the theme song. Enjoy the pictures of Fergie stumbling her way out of the Waverly Inn last night (May 7). I know I did. A lot. Man.

Gold is the new drunk

Numerous reports in the...uh...news...are saying that gold is the new drunk for college students. Instead of getting drunk and having fun with friends, they are just buying a lot of gold and precious metals and staring at them all night until they pass out. Okay...so i just made that up. That's not true. But gold is a very good investment these days, as it's always been. If you use Monex Deposit Company (MDC) you can purchase gold (or other precious metals) and get them delivered to your place immediately (or a convenient safe storage place)! Or you can even use an independent bank or depository place! And they'll do this immediately! And they've been doing this for 30 years, man! That's 3 decades! Anyway, they are the leading gold and precious metals investment leader in the United States! And gold is a great product to invest in. It has two forms. Try coin or ingot. We all know what coin is. But what is ingot? Well, ingots are generally gold and pure bullion cast. That means they are made in a convenient size and shape. So they will never hassle you in the middle of the night when you are trying to sleep, and they also workout at the gym a lot. Get it? The whole art of buying gold has been recognized for centuries. People have always known that it is the way to wealth and purchasing power. Duh. Gold bullion is also a unique investment that the ancient Egyptians, Greeks and Romans even used. And nowadays, they still do! So you should too! In fact, base all of your decision on what Egyptians, Greeks and Romans did! Heck, throw pirates and vikings in there too, dog! Gold can change men's lives. The golden bar today is a proven investment diversifier. (Did I mention "diversifier" is my favorite word.) It protects your wealth, and your purchasing power! Monex Precious Metals is home to a large and dedicated staff of hard asset pros who are absolutely committed to serving your precious metal investment needs. They are this country's best dealer, with a convenient market and competitive prices! If that doesn't sounds good, I don't know what is. We are at war, so by gold.

What a dummie (I've never used that expression before.)

Paula Abdul, taking a page from the Isiaiaiaiah Washington school of kicking sleeping dogs has decided to go on the offensive against all those hating on her substance abuse problem. She Said (re: rumors she does a mix of crack/cocaine/meth/PCP before going on the air): That’s nonsense, the 44-year-old “Idol” judge tells Us Weekly magazine in its February 16 issue. “I’ve never been drunk. I have never done recreational drugs,” she says. “Just look at my 20-year career. Tell me someone who is into partying or doing drugs that could have done that.” Wow. There’s a lot to deal with there. First off, Keith Richards. Secondly, what 20-year career? Third, if you were high as a kite on prescription drugs just say so. We’ve all taken our meds twice on accident. In your case the 500mg double dose of horse tranquilizers would truly mess your 100lb frame up, we get it. “I have never missed a live show,” Abdul notes. “Even when I had surgery on my hand (for an infection caused by a botched manicure in 2004), I left my hospital bed to go to the show.” Technically this is true. She’s never missed a show. However, there have been shows that they chose not to “show her on camera” because she kept mentioning that “tweety bird was stealing her moon rover.” Say it with me... You've Gotta Be Kidding Me!

Get drunk and play golf

Tiger Woods was three strokes down with five holes to play to some cat named J.B. Holmes at the Accenture Match Play Championship. Naturally, he won one-up. Woods was 3 down with five holes to play when he holed a 15-foot birdie putt on the 14th. Then came Holmes’ lone mistake down the stretch, a three-putt from behind the 15th that allowed Woods to lag his 18-footer for birdie, and he was walking to the hole when it dropped, charging up the gallery. Then came a 20-foot birdie on the 16th to square the match, followed by a 35-foot eagle to complete his amazing rally. And when Holmes missed an 8-foot birdie on the final hole, Woods had escaped with a 1-up victory. “You’re playing the best player in the world, 3 up with five to play,” Holmes said. “I just said, ‘Don’t do anything stupid. Make him beat you.’ And he did. What do you do?” Tiger might as well just start putting himself in these sorts of holes, just to see if he can play out of them. Like, at the Masters he could play the entire first round using just a five iron. Then at the U.S. Open he could play left-handed. Just some stuff to make things interesting, that’s all.