Friday, May 26, 2006

America Airlines Presents: And NowCasting.COM, A Microsoft Word From Our Sponsor

Isn't it great how product placement is all over Hollywood? I mean, who can blame them right? Well now, it's taken over this blog as well. It's a good thing though, for me hahahahahahaahahahahahahha. In your face everybody! Just kidding, kind of. Well hey, I know it's Summer now but I think you all should actually start thinking about Winter Park Real Estate. No, that's not real estate in a park that you can only buy during the winter. Nope. Winter Park is a place yo! It's not just a place though, it's a place in Orlando! If you are anything like me and other weird people, you are wondering right now, "What is the history of Orlando besides theme parks?" Well...if you go by number of years, not much. It's not much older than 150 years. But...if you go by substance instead of...years or something, a lot has happened. They raised cattles! It was the primary way to make a living and the town in Central Florida were more like Laredo and Dodge City than a cartoon. They also had Indian wards, cattle rustling, fights with guns, gambling with money and other evening debauchery. Well, in 1880, The South Florida Railroad extended its line down into Orlando from Sanford and the rest of the country. This made things go crazy yo! All of the sudden, the Citrus industry changed. It was country-wide yo! Sick! This changed the city and it's economy drastically. Tourism finally becam a major industry in Central Florida. The railroad became like blood flowing through the veins and made the city alive! What an ingenious metaphor homies! There is now more tourists per year than the population of California. Haha. California sucks. There are 100,000 hotel rooms and 7 major theme parks. Orlando is also a great place to raise a family though. Real estate includes upscale gated neighborhoods, golf courses, old people and old-fashioned towns with excellent schools. Downtown Orlando is also very urban. You can enjoy vintage homes in the historic neighborhoods of Thorton Park, Lake Eola Heights, Lake Lawsona, Lake Cherokee, and Lake Copeland. Downtown is trendy with diversity of restaurants, retailers, discos, and bars all within walking distance. You even have access to the most beautiful Lake Eola man! This place is great! To get real estate here with a great real estate office that will cover it all, check out Buyers Broker of Florida. They are sick yo! Chart Plotters, not Chart Toppers: Also, have you are wanted to be Chart plotters. Yup, that's right. Did you know that Mariners can download the National Oceanic and Atmospherc Administartion's Raster Navigations Charts now? That's right. Oh, what's a raster chart? it's a digitally scanned image of paper n autical chart that is used by actual mariners to navigate. Awesome! "The raster navigational charts contribute to safe, efficient, and environmentally sound marine transportation," said Charles Challstrom. Charles is currently the acting assistant administrator for NOAA’s oceans and coasts. Good job Charles. Since these downloads are free, NOAA offers easy access for the mariners to be all oceanic and stuff freely. Check out the NOAA website for a fully updated raster chart. At Northeast Marine Electronics you can even get all of the stuff you need for electronics for camping, hiking, hunting, fishing, boating, and driving. There collection isn't only extensive, it's sick! They also have Furuno Fish Finders to help find fish and they offer discounts for Marines man. Get a Rental Home in Orlando Dude!

You should get an Orlando Rental Home today! Did you know that Orlando welcomes more visitors each year than the population of California?! That's over 43.3 million. Booiiinnggg! This makes Orlando one of the biggest vacation destinations! Now let's talk numbers. Most of those tourists and vacationers stay in one of 100,000 hotel rooms and on top of that, they visit 7 major theme parks.

OK....so, also, there are 185,000 people in Orlando and the Metro-Orlando population is 1,500,000. It's no wonder that tourism surrounding Orlando is worth billions of dollars to Orlando's economy. Why wouldn't it be! Hey-yo! Tourism is a very rewarding field to be a part of and you guessed it, Orlando has many opportunities within that industry.This place they call Orlando is a great environment to enjoy your leasure time and raise a family. All 7 counties in the Central Florida area offer a wide range of life styles...for any age. This includes (but is not limited too) real estate in upscale gated neighborhoods, golf course communities, charming, old-fashioned towns, and areas with excellent schools.Downtown has seen a great increase in growth and is a mixture of condominiums with great views and other things you can enjoy like: vintage homes in the historic neighborhoods of Thorton Park, Lake Eola Heights, Lake Lawsona, Lake Cherokee, and Lake Copeland. Awesome! Awesome! One more time....Awesome!

Downtown is trendy with diversity of restaurants, retailers, discos, and bars all within walking distance.Also, check out Baldwin Park, which is a traditional neighborhood with architecture reminiscent of the pre-1940's era in Central Florida. You gotta love architecture history yall. Not only all of this but, the wonderful climate and year round sunshine that your family deserves will make for a great vacation, holiday or siesta! You can even take a 45 minute drive from the theme parks to a countryside that is very similar to the UK but with rolling hills and oak trees.

Now you find yourself in horse breeding country and you can travel south and take a freakin airboat ride across the Everglades! Unbelievable! They even have the best shopping in USA. Check out Central Orlando rental homes today!! Before it's too...well...it's never too late, just do it!

You know what else you should do folks? You can buy Flowers!!!!!! Awesome!!!! These aren't just any flowers though. These aren't your mother's flowers. hey-yo! This is an interesting arts and crafts project that helps you create a monogram of flowers! It's written y Cahtie Filian and Steve Piacenza who are from the DIY Network. They are pretty much the coolest people I know. Even though I don't exactly know them. Summer is here, so draw inspiration from all of the color of blooming flowers outside and create a floral monogram to decorate part of your home. It's easy! And the possiblities are endless!

You can make something that fits your own personal style and decor by using different flowers and ribbons. Cathie made a great gift for her mother-in-law's birthday and she hung it on her front door. So you are probably asking....How do I do it? Well...here’s how to create your own:

Supplies: _ 6-inch wood letter of choice _ white craft paint & paintbrush _ floral print scrapbook paper _ glue stick _ hot glue _ tacky glue _1 large silk hydrangea 1/4-inch decorative ribbon (enough to go around your letter, plus 10 inches) small rhinestones or ultra fine glitter Plaque Steps: 1. Paint the back, front and sides of the letter with the white craft paint and allow to dry. 2. Lightly trace the letter onto the scrapbook paper. Cut out the tracing and use a glue stick to attach the paper to the front of the letter. Then, use your fingers to press out any air bubbles. 3. Cut 10 inches off your decorative ribbon. (This will be your hanger) Turn the letter over and attach the ribbon hanger by forming a “U” shape with the ribbon and hot gluing the ends of the ribbon to the back of the letter about 2 inches from the top. 4. Using your hot glue gun, attach the remaining ribbon around the outer edge of the letter. 5. Break apart the silk flower so you have lots of little petals. Use hot glue to attach the petals to the front of the letter. (You can glue them in a random pattern or a design of your choice) Use a drop of glue and add a few sprinkles of ultra fine glitter to the center of the petals or add rhinestones for decorative effect.

Isn't that awesome!??! So...buy flowers today. Do it!

Drunk Blogger was drunk during the filming of this episode. So was Alf, The Red Ranger, Stan Van Gundy and Hurley from Lost.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

What Do Pedro & Gallagher Have in Common?

What do "Pedro" from Napoleon Dynamite & Gallagher have in common? Both of their brothers have tried to steal their act. That's right, apparently the twin brother of Efren Ramirez, the actor who plays "Pedro" in Napoleon Dynamite, is going around Hollywood, impersonating his brother and even booking gigs as his brother. Apparently last week, he was partying at the Vine Street Lounge (I was there and saw who I thought was Pedro as well) and agreed to host next week's event. Which was last Friday. Halfway through the week, it was discovered that it was actually Efren's twin brother named WhoGivesAShit Ramirez (I'm not sure if that's his legal name). Efren's management was pissed, the Vine Street Lounge had to stop promoting that "Pedro" would be hosting and in general, it was a big mess. There hasn't been a stranger sibling identity theft since Gallagher's brother stole his original watermelon-smashing-crowd-wearing-ponchos act and took it on the road. Well...there probably have been stranger cases, but it's fun to compare Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite to Gallagher.

Random Fun Fact: I've actually partied with Gallagher's daughter. She was friends with a girl I dated in college while attending ASU and lives in Scottsdale. It's weird to see Gallagher as a blonde, let me tell you. What's next? The daughter of Hulk Hogan being kind of hot? Oh yeah...that is next, or right now actually..

Drunk Blogger is the man of the hour, unfortunately, that's only 60 minutes.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Drunk Blogger Contacted By Actual Royalty!

Hey everybody! I have amazing news! Mr. Mush Bolkiah, the eldest son of Prince Jefri Bolkiah (fromer Finance Minister of Brunei) has contacted me and is offering me huge percentages of money for helping him out! Not only that, I also recieved an e-mail from Princess Funmilayo Badmos with a similar offer as well! Both offers were today! Getting contacted by royalty from countries nobody has heard of offering you money twice in one day? It's fantastic! I'm so excited by this fabulous "business" opportunity that has been offered to me. My whole life is going to change. Gosh, actual royalty contacted little old stupid me from the midwest. I'm going to fall for this right away, seeing as it's a very urgent scam. Here is the letter as follows:

Dear Friend, I am Mr. Mush Bolkiah, the eldest son of Prince Jefri Bolkiah, former Finance Minister of Brunei, the tiny oil-rich sultanate on the Gulf Island of Borneo.I will save your time by not amplifying my extended royal family history, whichhas already been disseminated by the international media during the controversial dispute that erupted between my father and his stepbrother, the sultan of Brunei Sheik Muda Hassanal Bolkiah. As you may know from the international media,the sultan had accused my father of financial mismanagement and impropriety of US $14.8 billion dollars.This was as a result of the Asian financial crisis that made my father company Amedeo Development Company and government owned Brunei Investment Companyto be declared bankrupt during his tenure in office. However my father was kept under house arrest, his bank accounts and private properties including a crudeoilexport refinery were later confiscated by the sultanate. Furthermore during thisunfortunate period, I was advised to evacuate my immediate family outside thesultanateto avoid further prosecution from the sultan and his security operatives, butbefore I could do that I was placed under house arrest by the Sultan, but I havea Palm Vhand-held computer from which I am sending you this mail. Some of the guardshere are still loyal to me.Before my Incaseration, I went ahead to dispatch the sum of Twenty MillionUnited States Dollars (US$20,000,000.00) in left in a fixed/suspense account inone of theFirm here In Dakar Senegal.Please if you know you can assist in claiming and investing it in real estate/property to guarantee the future survival of my family, contact me fast so that I'll give youcontact information of the Firm here In Dakar Senegal where the funds was deposited. For your assistance i will compensate you with 25% of the total sumand another2% shall be set aside to defray any expenses that may arise. Please I count onyour absolute confidentiality, transparency and trust while looking forward toyour promptreply towards a swift conclusion of this business transaction through my email address as follows: mush@ParsiMail.com

Thanks & May Allah's blessings remain with you. Please I await your prompt reply. I remain yours sincerely, Mr. Mush Bolkiah.

Wow, what incredible bullshit! Had I been an absolute moron, maybe I would have fallen for it, but as it is, I'm not a moron. I only play one on TV - so sorry Prince Makmak Rauf or whatever the fuck your name is, quit trying to scam me. Damn, Dave Chappelle was right, if the internet was a real place,it would be horrible place to be. Too bad the whole world is pretty much becoming the internet. I think we are all doomed. If somebody could please spam the guys e-mail address or send them a virus, it would be much appreciated. Screw these pieces of shit who try to scam people. Non-Scam Promotion: Hi, I'm what they call the Drunk Blogger. I'm originally from Illinois, and now you can live there too! I'm am going to sell you something right now, or try to, that is completely, utterly, unbelievably and realistically awesome! You guessed it, Illinois homes. That's right. You should search Illinois homes. There was a record month for March in home sales in Illinois. The statewide median price is at $199,000. You want to know the craziest part? Total home sales statewide in March outperformed all previous years. They set a new record for the month! This makes is a great time to bu an Illinois home. Total homes sales (which include single-family and condominiums) were up 4.9 percent to 14,907 homes sold. This is compared to the previous record-high 14,207 homes sold in March 2005. You can't argue with these numbers folks.The New Castle Realty Group specializes in the Chicago and surrounding areas. This includes other hotspots such as Alqonquin, Barrington, Bloomingdale, Naperville, Schaumburg and many more! So check out the New Castle Reality Group. They can help you out, whether you are a first time buyer or experience in real estate investment. With New Castle, you'll get the "right" property and they will help you througout the whole process! Non-Scam Promotion #2: If you are anything like me, you know that a car insurance rate is a very important thing, especially if you drive a car. I was reading a report the other day that said GEICO advises auto owners in California to take a close look a the National Insurance Crime Bureau's or NCIB's latest report. California is actually the home of 6 of the top 10 places to get your automobile stolen. Are you kidding me? That sounds like an important thing to remember to me. I started to think to myself, "damn, what can I do?" But then, the report told me. It gave me 11 awesome tips to help reduce my car being stolen! 11 steps! Can you believe it. Here they are: 1) Keep your vehicle locked at all times, even while driving. Close all windows and sunroofs, no matter how hot it is.2) Never leave your keys in the car.3) If possible, park in busy, well-lit areas. Thieves prefer to work in the dark. Leave your car in park or in gear with the wheels turned toward the curb or some other obstruction, so thieves won't be able to tow it easily. 4) Avoid leaving valuables inside your vehicle where passersby can see them.5) Install an anti-theft system in your vehicle if it doesn't have one. A mechanism that locks onto the steering wheel can be a very visible sign that you've taken steps to protect your vehicle. Ignition cut-off systems prevent a car from being started. Some new cars come with passive alarms that activate automatically when the key is removed from the ignition. One system emits a signal that can be tracked by the police. Thieves are reluctant to steal vehicles that can be tracked and recovered quickly. Many insurers offer discounts for these types of systems.6) Beware of the "bump-and-rob" technique. Carjackers bump your car from the rear, then steal it when you get out to look for damage. When stopped at a traffic light, leave room to maneuver around the vehicle ahead if you need to. If another car bumps yours and you feel threatened, drive to a populated area. If you have a cell phone, call the police for assistance.7) Do not leave registration or title in the car. Too often a car thief is pulled over and gets away from the police because he or she can produce the auto registration. If multiple drivers use the vehicle, the best suggestion would be to hide the registration in a secret location that only the owners know.8) Look around. Be aware of your surroundings, especially in garages, parking lots and gas stations.9) Know where you're going. Avoid known high-crime areas even if the alternate route takes a little longer.10) If confronted by a carjacker, do not resist. Cars can be replaced; you can't.11) Have your car's vehicle identification number (VIN) etched on each of the windows. Car thieves want to get off cheap. They don't want to go to the expense of replacing all the glass.Aren't those some awesome tips? They really help too. I also found out the GEICO provides auto insurance quotes for all 50 states. It really doesn't get any better than that folks. You should check out their online insurance rates and quotes too. It will save you time and money! Awesome! Drunk Blogger can be seen promoting his new book of memoirs on Oprah, entitled, "WTF Am I Doing Here?"

Friday, May 05, 2006

Yeah!!! Let's Get Ready to Party!

Alright!! Are you ready to party? I'm ready to party? No, are you ready to party? Yeah!!! (chant) PARTY! PARTY! PARTY! Babes, dudes. Dudes, babes. Alright, now that we are all introduced, let's fucking party!!! Cinco De Mayo, AZ style mutha fuckas! Hola! Adios! Como Estas! Carne Asada! Chi Chi Rodriguez! Michelle Rodriguez dead on Lost!!! Actually, that kind of killed my buzz....but not for long!! Ahhh!!! I'm not even drunk yet but I feel like it! (chant) PARTY! PARTY! PARTY! That's right. I'm flying to AZ tomorrow morning to visit some friends from my ASU days and party for Cinco De Mayo. Who's coming with me? I'll be partying with Jimmy Kimmel, Headache Smith, David Spade, Spuds Mackenzie, Campus Man and Campus Bookie! Alright. Let's get fucking wasted, drunk blogger style! Holy fucking shit. I'm fucking wasted already and I haven't even drank anything. Or is it "drunk" anything? Who gives a fuck!! Yeah! (chant) PARTY! PARTY! PARTY! You feel that fucking chant? You feelin that shit? Can I cuss anymore in this blog? Who gives a shit!? Yeah! (chant) PARTY! PARTY! PARTY! ASU! Scottsdale! Total babes! Beer! Kamikaze Shots! Sun! Out of the smog, out of the blog and into the....uhh.... sun. Yeah! (chant) PARTY! PARTY! PARTY! I'm gonna freestyle now, uhhh, here I go, uhh... yo, I'm incoherent, but I AINT SCARED of IT. I'm drunk, but not really. So you can't dunk, on me silly. Uhh... yeah, that was sick! 8 mile style! Everybody from the 313, throw your mutha fuckin hands up and follow me. Uhhhhh!!! Let's do this shit like ASU in the 80's, even though I went there in the early 2000's!!! Fuck yeah! (chant) PARTY! PARTY! PARTY! This is going to be the best Spring Break in May ever!!!! Drunk Blogger was suprisingly not drunk during the typing of this blog. All PARTY chants and references to Kamikaze Shots are the sole property of Drunk Blogger. Any attempt to re-create the PARTY chant is illegal, but highly recommended, but only if you are joking.

Random PSA: In other news, I just completed filming a commercial for Ortho Evra. Even though that's not true and I just made that up, the news isn't all good folks. Apparently, Parker & Waichman, LLP filed a lawsuit against Ortho-McNeil Pharmaceutical, Inc. on behalf of 33 year-old woman diagnosed with Bilateral Pulmonary Embolism and Deep Venous Thrombosis after she used the Ortho Evra Birth control patch for two months. Yeah, serially, they filed the suit in the United States District Court for the District of New Jersey in Newark, New Jersey.So why would I do a commercial about this stuff? Even if I made that up? To get the word out. And to get paid. For more information on Ortho Evra you should visit http://www.orthopatchlawsuit.com or http://www.yourlawyer.com/topics/overview/Ortho_Evra_Patch. That is, if you actually want more information on it. .There is more to the story of this woman though. Additional tests on her revealed a deep venous thrombosis of the right popliteal vein extending to the right common femoral vein. Yeah I know, I have no idea what that means either but the woman was admitted to the hospital’s intensive care unit where she received Coumadin and Lovenox treatment and she will likely undergo prolonged treatment with these medications. You need to listen because these medications may be necessary for the remainder of her life.Ortho-McNeil also that admitted for the first time that women who use the patch will be exposed to up to 60% more estrogen than they would be exposed to if they were taking a birth control pill with 35 micrograms of estrogen. This patch was only intended to deliver 20 micrograms of estrogen. What gives? That's what I want to find out. The FDA's announcement on this warning can be found at http://www.fda.gov/bbs/topics/news/2005/NEW01262.html.On top of all of this bad news, recent reports have also indicated that the risk of developing blood clots, pulmonary thromboembolism, heart attack and stroke may be significantly higher with the Ortho Evra patch than with oral contraceptive use. Are you kidding me!?People have alleged that Ortho-McNeil knew about the increased medical risks associated with Ortho Evra before the drug was approved and once it was approved, never warned anybody about the risks. Not cool bros.Here is where things get serious though, after much research, during a 12 month period, 44 serious injuries or deaths have been associated with Ortho Evra. Booiiinnnngggggg! What? Ok, well this Ortho Evra drug was approved by the FDA in November 2001, and over 4 million women have used Ortho Evra since its approval. They continue to market it aggresively. It has to be stopped. Do something about it now. That is all.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

South Park Uses "I'm Serial" A Lot

I was pleasantly surprised to watch last week's episode of South Park, "ManBearPig," in which Al Gore parades around (lisp and all) chasing a fictitious monster and constantly using the term, "I'm serial." Just to make myself feel better, I like to think that the creators of South Park actually came across my blog here or on Myspace and really liked it and saw that I used the term, "I'm serial" as well and decided to put it in their show. Truth is, I stole the phrase from my buddy Rich who says he got it from somewhere else too, so apparently I really didn't do anything at all, except use it. Oh well, we can all dream right? Like my dream that I can actually make money with this blog or with my scripts someday. Or the dream that I can actually tolerate Hollywood enough to work here without becoming so alienated by the town and people that I go crazy, grow a beard and move to a log cabin out in Montana somewhere where I can "write" in piece. Because to be honest, the way I feel today, I'm about 2 steps away from doing that. I mean, I saw a guy who looked like the lead singer of Weezer, holding hands with a black tranvestite, walking down the street today like it was no big deal, like it was just a normal, afternoon walk in the park. I mean we are talking, the lead singer of Weezer here! He didn't look like a crackhead pimp. He looked like a normal guy. WTF? Say it ain't so. Now, I can't even listen to "The Sweater Song," without projectile vomiting. Son of a bitch. Al Gore PSA: Also, BuyAutoTruckAccessories.com announces their New Auto, SUV, Van and Truck Accessories website. It's so awesome! It offers a quick and easy accessory shopping experience. BuyAutoTruckAccessories.com is quite possibly, the best new source for all of your Auto and Truck Accessory needs. They provide a large selection of SUV, Van and Truck Accessories, not to mention....are you ready for this?....Free Shipping on all orders over $100 (for FedEx ground services within the Continental US - Excluding oversized items)! They make accesory shopping easier as well. Just select your vehicle year, make and model and they'll do the rest for you! Your search results will show only truck accessories and auto accessories that are compatible with your vehicle; just place them in your shopping cart, click checkout and you're done. They offer only the best quality products. You can browse through them by category: Exterior Accessories, Interior Accessories, Contractor Accessories, and Towing and Cargo, or even search for particular products or brand names as well. So once again, I'm Al Gore and if you are looking for a truck tool box, BuyAutoTruckAccessories is the place to go. Our Truck Tool Box line consists of: Single Lid Crossovers, Dual Lid Crossovers, Gull Wing Crossovers, Mid Lid Tool Boxes, Innersides, Chests, Topsides, Underbeds and Trailer Tongue Boxes, and even a quality plastic (polyethylene) Tool Box. Contractors will find that we’ve assembled a line of high-quality, professional-grade truck accessories from proven and reputable manufacturers, including Truck Tool Boxes, Truck Racks, Fuel Pumps & Tanks, Cab Guards, Job Site Boxes and more. I'm Al Gore. Drunk Blogger needs a change in scenery, somehow, someway.