I'm The #1 Typer In The Country

I'd like to announce that I am probably the best typer on the internet. I will type anyone under the table. I once typed 4 typewriters, 3 laptops, and 2 desktops in one night and wasn't even buzzed. I woke up the next morning with no hangover, ran 5 miles, lifted weights for 5 hours and drank 2 liters worth of protein shake and did the whole thing over again. I wrote this bulletin on a keyboard and didn't even need to use a PDA for a chaser. I did the typing century club last night. I typed one word per minute for 100 minutes, 3 times. I typed on a laptop in the freezer at Fat Tuesdays and didn't even get brainfreeze. I type things in Spanish....without limes.... Before I type things in Japanese I bang on the table and yell some corny sake chant and my computer monitor falls into a big glass of beer...and then I type the shit out of that computer. I type text messages on my phone while I'm driving, that's right I drive typed, and I haven't even gotten a TUI yet. I type in German about warm beers...wait, that didn't exactly work....well... uhh I drink a lot too. (This is the stupidest thing I have ever written, I mean typed.) Drunk Blogger is set to win his first Academy Award March 5th.