Oscar Predictions: Vol. 1

Academy Award For Best Picture: Brokeback Mountain In a move that we have had more than enough time to prepare for and make fun of, Brokeback Mountain will win the Academy Award (or Oscar for you hipsters) for Best Picture. My real prediction for this award is that after the award is won for best picture, Santa Monica Blvd. and other Boy's Towns (and I'm not talking Boy's & Girls Club here) are going to go nuts. It will start with people being really happy, driving down the street, honking their horns and wearing pink cowboy hats yelling, "We did it!", but soon, it will get out of hand and develop into something similar to the Laker's winning a championship or Oakland Raider fans after they score a field goal. There will be rioting, looting and eventually, the worst thing possible...Gay on Gay crime. It won't be pretty. Things will eventually get even worse when the gay chapters of the Bloods & Crips (and I'm pretty sure they exist) arrive from South Central Los Angeles and join in the malay. They will be slightly confused though, alternating chants between "Rodney King!" and "Brokeback Pride!" They will eventually leave when they find out that Rodney King isn't gay and wasn't in the movie. Pulled hair, ripped Diesel t-shirts and jeans, scratched artificially tanned skin, ripped leather chaps, tubes of astro glide wasted and squirted all over the street, people tarred and feather boa'd, messed up fauxhawks, people setting rainbow flags on fire and shouting, "Fuck Grand Marshall of The 2005 Gay Rights Parade Paris Hilton! She is an idiot and not a good leader!" - and then - ones of the saddest sites that will occur from all of this...tiny puddle dogs running around Santa Monica Blvd. without owners. Yes, it will be a sad site folks. Finally, it will stop...4 days later, but the damage will already be done, and to think, Hollywood thought Brokeback Mountain would actually have a positive influence... Don't get me wrong. This isn't a dream of mine. I'm all for an open-world. I don't discrimintate against anybody based off race, creed, sexual orentation or anything. This is just my 2006 Oscar prediction for Best Picture.

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