Happy Gloomy St. Patrick's Day

This has got to be the worst St. Patrick's Day ever. First of all, I'm spending it in Los Angeles. If I were in Chicago, there would be a green river and Irish people would actually exist. Second of all, I'm working tonight and missing out on the biggest part of St. Patrick's Day, (Do I even have to say it?) drinking. Third of all, it's raining and gloomy and has been all day. Fourth of all, Guiness? Guess not. Fifth of all, I'm not drinking a fifth. Sixth of all, I'm not having sixual intercourse. Seventh of all, did I mention the lack of a river dyed green? Eighth of all, I haven't blown up yet so I don't have any celebrity-laced St. Patrick's Day parties to attend. Ninth of all, I'm not even Irish. Tenth of all, Tom Cruise has enough power to take an episode of South Park off the air. Eleventh of all, well, 11 is my lucky number so I can't think of anything bad here. Twelfth of all, I haven't even seen one leprechaun today, or in the past year. Thirteenth of all, 13 is an unlucky number and I just wrote about it. Shit. Fourteenth of all, it rained, but there were no rainbows with pots of gold at the end. Not even in West Hollywood. Fifteenth of all, I didn't even wear green. Since I knew I wouldn't be celebrating, I totally forgot to even put on an assortment of the green clothes I own. Sixteenth of all, it's March Madness and I don't even feel a slight burst of energy, let alone madness. Seventeenth of all, I spent St. Patrick's Day writing this blog. Happy St. Patrick's Day ya'll, from your friends here at Channel 5 Action News in Cheybogan, Wisconsin! (Yeah, I don't know what that last part meant either but it seemed appropriate in some strange way.) Also, get your Hotel Restaurant Management Degree here. Drunk Blogger writes for Maxim. Well..he tells chicks that at least.