Crazy Lady Holds Up My Subway Experience in Hollywood

I went to the Subway restaurant on Sunset Blvd. and Crescent Heights. You know, the one by El Pollo Loco (This is my second straight blog referencing El Pollo Loco. I'm going to try to do it in every blog from now on, similar to how they always reference Superman in Seinfeld.) Anyway, I get in the long line at Subway that is pretty standard at about 12:30 PM and this lady at the front of the line was ordering about 6 sub sandwhiches. No big deal right? I'm a patient guy. Everybody's gotta eat. She was probably somebody's personal assistant or something. Then...she starts freaking out and talking really loud and saying, "No! No, no, no, don't touch that. He's gotta change his gloves before he finishes that sandwhich. Oh no. I don't know if I can eat that now." Umm...ok. I exchanged looks with everybody in line. We all "smirked" at each other. Then a few seconds later, "No, don't touch that. I know I'm weird. He has to change his gloves." I was trying to hold back (although I don't know why) but the members of the line(including myself) started to make jokes to themselves, to which the crazy lady, feeling self-conscious, responded, "I know I'm weird. I don't care. I'm weird with food." It was at this point that some construction workers who were filling up there cups with free re-fills walked out the door and as they were doing so, one said, "Crazy OCD bitch." Then the lady proceeded to basically, step-by-step, give the whole Subway crew of about 6 people orders on what to do. "No, don't touch that. He's going to change his gloves and remake my sub....Ok, you can close that sub...You ran out of avocado? How does that happen?....No, you need to change your gloves. This is making me sick....I don't know if I can eat that...I know I'm weird." Oh, and did I mention she was loud? At this point, everybody, including the subway crew were making jokes and looking at each other but I think everybody avoided a direct confrontation in fear that this lady actually was crazy. She was dressed normal though. She looked pretty normal. But, she held the line up forever and to top it off, as she was paying for her hand-crafted, individual-care sub sandwhiches, her cell phone rings. She picks it up, "Oh no Sandy, I'm not in Paris...No, I'm not in Paris..I'm going to go to Texas next week instead....Oh no, she never used Mariah Carey as her alias when she stays in hotels...no..." Yeah, sometimes when I'm planning trips abroad, I sometimes change my mind and go a few states over instead too. Also, I can totally relate to the alias thing since I'm so famous. When I check into hotels I go by the name, "Natalie Portman," but come on. Yeah, she was either absolutely insane or so caught up in the Hollywood lifestyle of probably being someone's personal assistant that she thought that all of this was normal. She obviously had watched way too much E! Entertainment Television and if I could guess a place that she was from, I would probably say Long Island. No, seriously, because of her accent. I could also make a joke that ended with something about me not talking about Pearl Harbor but I won't. It was ridiculous though. She made me spend a half an hour at Subway and another 10 minutes writing this blog. That's 40 minutes that I could have used at the gym or wishing I was actually auditioning for something or making money writing something. Shit, I at least could have watched an episode of Lost in that time. And I'll never get that time back. It's gone. All because a lady thought she was a manager at Subway and knew somebody who doesn't use the alias Mariah Carey when she checks into fancy hotels. Things can be cruel in Tinsel Town folks. Damn, the sacrifices you make being the Drunk Blogger in Hollywood. This is a Drunk Blogger "DB! True Hollywood Story." It's funny because the DB has a double meaning. One stands for me and the other stands for the person I'm talking about. Toodles!